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Tag: anger

Prophet of a Lesser Age

He sits square-framed and lies to me
With words of hatred and deceit.
He speaks of honesty and truth
As if they were unwanted foreigners
And talks of war with pride.

He wants me to kill, he says
It is only right,
It is our duty.
We have no need to fear, he says.
Then why am I afraid?

He talks so easily of the hell of war,
Of destruction, of others deaths,
Of the faceless enemy.
He talks of hate, he talks of evil,
He talks of suffering for his cause.

But I want peace
And he will not give it,
But I want love
And he cannot see it,
But I want freedom
And he doesn’t understand it.

Am I then an enemy?
Am I then to be imprisoned?
Am I then to be tortured?
Is my cause so wrong?
Then why does it seem so right?

Oh, answer me these questions
You square-framed man.
Answer me with honesty,
Help me understand,
Why I cannot love.
And yet I know you hate me
As you hated all the others
Who came before me.
But as I go to die now,
I do not fear you, I pity you.

You square-framed man…

17/01/1990

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For Many Years Have I

For many years have I
Alone wandered
On the uneven path
Of my life
While the darkness devoured me
And my fears assailed me
And my guilt besieged me
I would cry on the wind
But no-one heard
I would scream to the stars
But no-one cared
I would shout to the emptiness
But no-one came
And on I walked
Isolated
Desolate
Scared
Scarred
Longing for the greater night
To overwhelm my tired soul
And end the pain

07/02/2018

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This Too Crowded Island

This too crowded island
Drains me
Cold wind, cold rain, cold people
Chill me
Sadden me
Make me
Homeless in my own home
Take me
On dark, dark roads
Going from nowhere
To nowhere
Through brick built jungles
Sterile sanctuary of sterile souls
Grey dank faces watching me
Through dusty windows of dust minds
Unattractive, unappealing, unclean
Living corpses crying
Putrid babbles
Of nothingness
And hate
Yet I remain
Unheard
Unseen
Unwanted

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Come the day

It’s ten to six in the morning
A cold, cold morning
Travel through the haze
Of half sleep
Returning to hateful wakefulness
And with it
Another day
Maps itself out
In full bloody detail
Before me

Roll off the bed
Hit the floor
Trying to wake up
Failing
Eyelids glued together
Won’t come unstuck
A thousand deserts
In my mouth
Stumble to the bathroom
To shave
If I don’t cut my throat first
By mistake

Brush my teeth
Up, down
Up, down
Brush
Not head

That fuzzy thing in the mirror
Is that me?
Hell, I look rabid
Maybe I am
I feel it

Dress
In what?
Something from the heap
On the floor
Something clean
Well
At least something
That doesn’t smell too bad

Breakfast
Something floating
In my bowl
Oh, it’s cornflakes
I think
It’s so full of iron
I could rust

Go to work
Car won’t start
Kick the damn thing
Sit behind the wheel
Hitting my head
On its hard rim
Start
For fuck sakes, start!

Sit behind my desk
All day
Papers pass before my eyes
Unread
Unheeded
Unwanted
Oh please let me die!

Glance at the clock
Ten more minutes
Until parole time
A bloated blurry body
Dumps more papers on my desk
‘These are important’ it bleats
As I try not to kill them

Finally I am finished
It is dark outside
I sit in the car praying
To the gods of starter motors
Cough, cough, whirr, BANG!
Well I guess that counts as starting
Shit! The fuel light is on

Get home, open the door
What should I eat
Whatever is in the fridge
Whatever isn’t green and furry
Should I cook it?
No why bother

Sit down
In front of the TV
A talking head is asking
Whether I have had an accident at work
Hell
My whole being is an accident
Can I get compensation?

Turn the taps
Of an arthritic shower
Waiting for the water
To go from freezing
To almost lukewarm
Now where’s the soap

It is way past midnight
As I hit the bed
With a sickening thump
Of head on pillow
Crawl under the sheet
And pull it tight
And hope
The nightmares don’t come again

Repeat…

18/09/2000

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So many years have I

So many years have I
The littling voices heard
And listened whilst
They lying spoke
And mouthed deriding words
Malignant in my mind
Of how I ungainly, unseemly and unfit
For custom social and for life unsuited was
Of intellect enfeebled and any skills divorced
And so believing siren song
Until now I travelled blind
But now I meekly sit and I ask
The truth of all I knew
If so unskilled am I
Then how have I become
All that I am and that is much
And more there is to come
So now must I
The littling voices still
And onward go
And higher still
To see what lies beyond
Then shall I with perfect peace
Full consummated pass
To darkness then
To seek what lies beyond

29/11/2009

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I Started Seeing Skeletons

I started seeing skeletons on the street the other day
Not clean, clinical, comical, classroom ones
But stinking, putrid corpses where rotting corrupted flesh
Hangs in stinking, putrid strips
The puss of a thousand dreadful sins dripping in their wake

I started seeing skeletons on the street the other day
Their hollow vacant eyes hiding hollow vacant lies
Hiding evil done and good undone
Inhaling hypocrisy, exhaling insincerity
As they crawl through painted gilded lives

I started seeing skeletons on the street the other day
Where faces were, bigotry remains
Where hands were now deception lingers
What once was flesh is now duplicity
Arrogance like skin wears them well

I started seeing skeletons on the street the other day
Smelling their lust, their greed, their fear
As I walked among these living rancid dead
One with them, part of them
A fallen soul in a fallen world

I started seeing skeletons on the street the other day

08/02/2017

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From Inside

So many fears
Ripping me apart
Voices in my head
Driving me insane
Pain
Hitting me like rain

Keep it inside
Smile at distant faces
No-one comes near
Only fear
Isolation
No Emotion

Mask your true identity
Bluff your way through
All you see is red
Like blood
No-one cares
No-one dares

Struggle, struggle without end
Slowly die, drain away
Only empty shell remains
Blown easily on the wind
What a mess
Early death

No-one holds funeral
Who’ll mourn
Fear torn
Wreck that you are
Silent strain
Silent pain

Insanity within insanity
Madness out of bounds
Drive dies
So do I
No caress
No rest

Say goodbye to the outside world
Say goodbye to tomorrow
Only yesterday
Yesterday never leaves
Say goodbye
Hello pain

Confusion, confusion, confusion
Mix up in time
Future, Present, Past
Cannot last
Death comes fast
Oh to cease breathing

14/12/1983

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Stooped Raincoat II

I sit here in my room and look out across the street
There is a light on in someone’s room
Whose I’ll never know, someone I know I will never meet
I’m just a stooped raincoat in the gloom

Star shine
Shine brightly
Brightly on those out there who know
Know what it means to be tired and alone
Alone without anyone
Anyone to love

I walk in the park watching prams pulling mothers
Talking to no-one, letting their children play
Passing me by, going back to their lovers
Not seeing a stooped raincoat in their way

Star shine
Shine brightly
Brightly on anyone out there who loves
Loves all those who are tired and alone
Alone without anyone
Anyone to love

I recall the one I love, how her going hurt me so
Standing there, an old suitcase in her hand
She told me she had to leave, had to go
She couldn’t love a stooped raincoat so bland

Star shine
Shine brightly
Brightly down on the one whose leaving hurt me so
So much it left me tired and alone
Alone without anyone
Anyone to love

I stand alone in the city square and look round
There’s nothing here except the city lights
Nothing here for me in this cold, hard town
For a lost stooped raincoat in the night

Star shine
Shine brightly
Brightly down on all those lonely people here
Here where we live so tired and alone
Alone without anyone
Anyone to love

I turn round and head back to my lifeless room
The light is off now there across the street
It doesn’t matter anyway, let my pain resume
For me, a stooped raincoat incomplete

Star shine
Shine brightly
Brightly down on the life I leave behind
Behind me so tired and alone
Alone without anyone
Anyone to love

05/03/2003

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